Friday, October 24, 2008
Eddy and I are guilty of sending emails to each other everyday...
He understands my plight in working at my workplace coz he has worked here before...
He loves to entertain me with funny emails such as this!
Thank you for always cheering me up with your lame jokes.
and Lila too! She loves it when I told her stories of you bullying me.
-_-
as lame as the jokes maybe, I still love you anyway ok!
*muahks*






@ 7:11 PM

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I’ve never really talked about my dad a whole lot.
Well, there’s nothing much to talk about, really.
My mum and my dad had a trial separation (as they put it), when I was 5.
They were officially divorced when I was 7.
My parents did not exactly sit us down to tell us that they had separated.
I remembered the time when my mum and I went to court in the rain and she told me to sit at the lounge area. I remembered sitting there and staring at all these people in suits, thinking why was I here. I remembered panicking, running around to find my mum. The receptionist there caught me though and refused to let me go. I remembered crying for what it seemed like forever, until my mum came back, knelt down and kissed my forehead.
I guess right then she would have told me that my dad will not be living with us anymore (like as if I would understand.)
and that was it.

I didn’t commit to memory to ever seeing him that often in my whole life.
I guess he had always been an absent dad.
I only remembered how my sibling and I were really excited to meet him after so long, how my mum told us to get dressed and wait for our dad to pick us up, how we anxiously peeked through the door and windows to see if he has reached, how we waited from afternoon until late evening for him but he did not show.
It happened time and again.
And as years went by, my dad saw less and less of us.
Then one day, he totally disappeared.

Did I blame my dad for the ‘fall’ of our family?
Abso-fucking- lutely.
My siblings and I were all less than 10 years old, for God’s sake.
And his decision to follow his heart and run away with some younger woman (who is not as beautiful as my mother la, my god.), not thinking of his responsibilities as a husband and a father of three, is inexcusable and unforgivable.
I mean, when you have that much of a responsibility bestowed upon you, following your heart should be the last thing on your mind!
Because the only thing you should do was to do the right thing, which is to stick to your family.
I remembered confronting him about this, and he told me that someday, I would understand. Well, I still don’t understand.
I’m frustrated that he left his family for a younger woman but I’m more frustrated that he did not even want to try to be part of our lives.
We didn’t get invited for his wedding, for the born of my half siblings. He just excluded us from his life like we are some kind of plague. Maybe he might have followed closely on this quote, ‘out with the old and in with the new’.
Or just maybe, he had replaced his once good heart to a heart made of stone.

When my dad left without a trace, all my paternal family followed suit.
None of them ever visited, not even a phone call.
Well, I don’t blame them for their lack of pro-active spirit.
I mean, even my own dad doesn’t call or visit so I don’t expect my paternal family to do anything but the same. Heck, I can’t even remember how my own cousins look like!
It is hilarious to know that most of my maternal family had seen him around before.
Yet his own flesh and blood?
Never.
I suspect he has some magical powers in regards to being invisible to his own next of kin.
-_-

The main reason why I’m actually blogging about this is that I just found out some,
more or less,
'vital' information regarding my ‘second’ family that I want to pen it down…
you know, in case I forget.
I have found out the names of my half siblings and the year they were born.
I have found out that my dad has a house in Jelapang Road but he is currently living in Johor.
I have 5 half siblings, one of whom passed away in 2005.
His name was Mohd. Syaheed Afzal Bin Yahya.
He was born in 2003 so he was approximately 2 years old when he passed away.
Reason for death? Health problem.
The 1st half sibling is Mohd. Aleef Bin Yahya. Now, he is 11 years old.
The 2^nd half sibling is Sheezta Banu Binte Yahya, 10 years old
and the 3^rd half sibling is Mohd. Eqral Bin Yahya, 9 years old.
The youngest is Shaama Banu Binte Yahya.
She was born in 2005 which will make her 3 years old this year.

My half siblings are really lucky to have my dad around.
I wonder if my dad is a better dad to them than us.
I hope so.
I wonder what kind of people they are, how they look like, what are their preferences…
I wonder if we have nothing in common or they like to read like I do… or they hates Nasi Briyani like I do.
I wonder if they even know that my siblings and I exist and that we are one family.
I wonder if they ever thought about us and wished to see us.
I wonder if my dad thought about us every day. I wonder if my dad ever regretted marrying my step mom.
I wonder if my dad ever regretted leaving us.
But most of all, I wonder when would it be when I can finally forgive my dad for being who he was.
Irresponsible, cruel and selfish.

All I know is that I won’t be able to forgive him today.

@ 11:50 AM

Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Took a personality test..........
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


@ 12:34 PM

Thursday, September 01, 2005
i took a personality test. it very accurate.. to me ah.
Get to know yourself better
http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education:Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


@ 3:30 PM

i wanna talk abt ONE n TWO. their good n bad points. so maybe if i type wad the hel is wrg wif dem n wads sooooo good abt them, i may have an answer to why the hell im wif two guys at the same tyme for 6months! im really asking for trouble....................................

talk abt ONE GOOD POINTS.

Im okay wif his family... his family likes me n we get along well with one another. the reason y tynk family is important coz MY family is important to me. im tynking... maybe in the long run here. marrying sumone means marrying his family too. so, this is a plus.

He loves me to bits. another plus. obviously, as to be in a relationship. both must love each other, sure, sumtymes he loves me more n sumtymes i love him more but it all cum down to love. he's im love with me n im in love with him. ni noe its not enuf so, next point.

He wil do anythyng for me. i read tis book n it said tat a guy will do ANYTHING for you if he really really loves you. n ONE is definitely well known to do anything i will tell him to.. he even quit meeting up his sec skul frens for the evry week soccer match bcoz he wanna spend more tyme wif me. ---> i din ask him to. but he wans to. FOR ME.

He is down-to-earth n religious. he used to take 2 religious cLasses every week in sec skuL. his dad is a bilal in the cemetery mosque n they always always read the holy quran every sunday as a family. n they read the quran every day if it is the fasting month. my mum say if u wanna choose a guy, choose sumbody who can look after you. sumone who can teach u enuf to send u to heaven. my mum says hapiness on earth is nothing as it is oni for a short while. u wanna be happy in the afterlife coz it is forever. n with a ggod husband who can help u see the light is much better den anything. this is a PLUS PLUS PLUS for me. i mean.... whu dun wanna go heaven after this?? he can be my ticket to heaven. (so called)

he helps his mum wif the housewerk all the tyme. he can vacuum, wash the dishes, fold the clothes, hang the laundry, buy groceries, mop the floor, clean the window n fans... i mean he is trained to do tis. he usually helps me out with my household chore whenever he came over to my house. n its automatic. i never have to ask... he also irons my shirt for me if i was doing my make up. again. never have the need to ask. always help ard anybody wenever he can.

He is good with kids... i dunno y but kids seemsto be attracted to him wherever we go... he usually wil smile n they will giggle at him... its soooo cute. i feel he makes a good husband AND a good dad. he can be real nice but he can get pissed too. he's quite strict wif his lil brother. for example.. during exam period, he will let his brother study for how many hours he played.

i love him soooo sooo much. obviously tis is one of the good point. if i dun love him, there wont be any list to begin wif!

we have been together for 5yr++. known each other for 6yrs+. he knows my weakness, strength, my failures... he noes almost everything abt me. n i noe ALL abt him. we have been soooo close for the past 5 years that its hard not to noe who he is.

he never shouts at me, be physical wif me... i dun tynk it even cross his mind to do tat to me. i bet he feels taht the oni tyme he will shout is when im in danger of hitting by a bus or sumtyng. he is so gentle towards me n my feelings tat he always calms me wenever im mad. even wen i shout, or scream at him in public, he will calmly tell me to keep my voice down.

the little tyngs he does for me... like, opening the doors for me, pull up a chair for me, stands up wenever i wanna leave the table to go to the loo, how he loves to play wif my hair, tucks my hair behind my ear, how he wil tie my shoe lace, the way he put his arms ard me, whisper my pet name in my ear n tel me he loves me wen i least expected it, kols me up or msg me just because.......... this all makes me tingle... sigh . . . .

wenever he's dissapointed in me or gets pissed wif me, he will juz keep quiet... n pretend tat nothing have happend after tat even thou i noe how much he is hurting. n at the end of the day with the softest voice, he wil look into my eyes n ask me if im in love with him. n wen i said i do, he will hug me soo tyte, said tat he forgive me . squeeze me already flat nose n said, "bubu dun do tis again k?" i will nod my head n he hugged again n he will very softly kiss my forhead n the back of my palm. i remember ther was a point in our relationship wher he slowly put my palm on his chest n said, "its beating for u, u noe?"

he's prbably the oni one that can stand me n my whiny-ness, moodi-ness, my crapi-ness, emo-ness. he tynks its real kiut too n the reasons y i do tat stuff is because i cry out attention, tats wad he says.

there's soo many lah but tis is the few main reasons y i stayed wif him...

the BAD POINTS

we have no similar interest. he loves malay music. i love english music. i love watching tv, he doesnt. he claims tat he'd rather watch me. (wadever) i love to read. he doesnt. i love movies, he doesnt. he quiet but friendly, im loud but shy. it seems lyke we cum frm different planet!

erm.. tis might sound.. bad but im not so sure if he tynk an ITE cert can get him werk niwher. i noe he wanna continue his sudies after his ns but tat swad he said now. in two years tyme, tyngs will change. he wun wanna study nimore.. not tat i tynk lowly of him ut he have to buck up if he wana be my husband. i wanna have a car live in, the very least, a five room flat. money doesnt grow frm trees. n to have a luxuious life we need money. u tynk babies grow on trees as wel? thier everyday stuff lyke pampers n stuff also cum frm trees? eash mum said love doesnt serve food on the table. love cant buy groceries. the most an ITER graduate get is 1500. its not enuf. i want... no. i NEED more,

he is fickle n has no opinion of his own. he will ask me abt everything frm wher we wanna go to eat to wad socks he shd wear. n wen i refuse to tel him, he will keep changing his decision. "i will wear black shirt.. no.. a white t-shirt.. or shd i wear the blue jersey again? wher r we going again?" tat TOTALLY irritates me.i need a man who noes wad he wants.

he doesnt have big dreams lyke me. i wanna live a good life. the best life i can have. he wans a mediocre. a car is not neccessary for him. his philosophy, if the ends meet, its enuf. he tynks as long as ther just enuf food to eat, shelter n clothing, its enuf. he doesnt want wad i want. which is real hard. i need a guy who have the drive n passion for life. he is not tat.

he doesnt convey his feelings to me. he doesnt show his feelings. its hard for him to show his feeling. n wen he does, its soo tiny its barely ther. i wan a guy who is not afraid of his feelings.

i feel like im the one protecting him sumtymes... im afraid of cats n stuffs n he does as well. i need protection. n i have to be the first to initiate anything. which sux! he cries as well. i mean, suck it up buddy! its ok sum of the tymes, but toughen up lil soldier.

he's such a bore on the fon. i feel we noe each other so well tat we dun have to ask abt each other's day as i will probably noe wad he does. there's no more surprises left in the relationship which makes it harder to continue. i keep bringing tis up but nothing's changed. but he tries... but the situation have not changed.

i will continue on TWO next tyme. ive been sitting for 4 hours n my tummy hurts. PMS is such a pain.

@ 12:54 PM

1. she is oni 19
2. she is oni 19
3. she is oni 19

wad do you want frm a 19 year old? she said she really loves him.but she wans him to change alil bit. n she oso said tat his mom doesnt lyke her... the mum doesnt even wanna c her wen she came to her home one day... she feels sooo sad. (i noe how u feel gurL)

AND

sumbody dah masuk meminang!!! wow. eash apparently got a string of admirers chasing to marry her! *ahaks.. but watever it is, if u love him n he loves u enuf, u guys wil stick. kalau jodoh tak ke mane ye? i love you gurL...... im always here for u.

........................................................................................

TWO, is in deep shit. a REAL military police caught him smoking 2 weeks ago n took his particulars n shit. he tot it was a prank. coz, he din even show his badge. but this matter was brought forward by his O.C. yesterday. n he got alot of punishment over alot of ppl above him. he feels soooooo depressed n sad n he said he has tot of either committing an 'unintentional' murder OR committing suicide. he slashed the latter of wen he tot of me. ;) but he considering the first option. here's the punishments he is given:

1. he is not allowed to participate on the Passing Out Parade.. (he's sergant tynks tat it wil be a disgrace)
2. he wun be cuming home tis sat. another confinement.
3. he's not allowed to smoke ever in camp(told him to quit, but he dun wanna)
4. he is supposed to oni do 1 day of guard duty wen he has his block leave but he have to do 2 now. (on 7 n 10)
5. they r even thinking of not letting him go for command skuL.

poor him... but wad ironic is he was the chosen few who were given a chance to be a military police. LoL.

hahahhahahahahahhahahha. life is sooooooooooooo hilarious.

erm... oh yah.. my big family is having a dinner, courtesy of cik mail. it is to celebrate yayi's, azza's n cik salleh's bday. all i noe is it is at 8. at lagunsari(izzit?) n its at bukit tima plaza. tats all. and ouh yah, besides my family, insheerah n abg wan n abg ali will be cuming along too.. most probably that guy as wel. kak zai's fiance. i dun fancy him tat much.. but.... we wil c.

@ 10:07 AM

Wednesday, August 31, 2005



@ 4:41 PM

@ 3:30 PM

Tuesday, August 30, 2005



@ 5:54 PM

Thursday, August 25, 2005

i look hideous. i noe.... lalalalalalala...

the three of us.. marina, jamaliah, me! we slacked for quite awhile.. i sat till my butt went numb!

obviously, talking abt their experiences of NS. they say they hate NS, but they always talk abt it. boys are weird.

LOOK! so kewl ryte????? told you. =p

boat quay looks soo pretty... esp wen me n ONE is ard.. *ahahks

too big??? oopsie.

in the tunnel to esplanade.... looks like shooting frm a music video eh? hahahaha

marina has gone bonkers. Jam is praying for her health. (or is she din get infected??)

pretty huh? 3 pretty ladies..........

ths shot is marina's idea. i was afraid the camera might fall off my hands and down to the ppL down there.

again, marina is nuts. Jam n me is just plain shocked n disgusted.. wadever marina!

waving goodbye!!!! the end. good day. great day.

wonderful day................................

but wanna noe wad i heard... of marina n nabawi saga??

apparently, marina was the one who wanted to break up with him.. but not for her own gain. she loves him soo much but she tynks that she dun wan to hold him back from his booming singing career. so she told him that maybe in the future, when they cross paths again, n they haf wad they wan in lyf, they can be together again..

two weeks (or 2 mths, i cant remember) after they broke up, she heARD tat he had a new gurLfren! she was sooo heartbroken but she moved on...

now, she's all fine on her own.

face it, she can get whoever she desires, but she chose not to. she's not even looking for one.

she just wanna have fun.

U GO GIRL!

@ 11:07 AM

H.A.N.A
ai*dah
eash
myzurah
norisda
sheeraza

[x]

NuruLL
girl(DUH!)
pink \\ blue
20th april 1986, a cusp of aries and taurus
loves food
loves to slack anywhere anytime
loves GOD
loves my family to death
loves my frens to death
loves stageArts to death.. well maybe..
in love with 2 guys.(looong story)
an avid reader, be it books or magazine
emotional and overbearing at tymes
childish all the tymes
crazy
but shy
easy to fall in and out of love
hate... erm... DAD. (go to hell, freak. n get out of my life)
hates schedules
doesn't have a clue on wad love is
doesnt have a clue on wad life is

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